Asserting

All meaning is imputed. All problems – and solutions – arise within me. I am the problem, and the solution. The Buddha was right about all that.

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All I need to do is get out of my own way. That is much easier said than done.

The ego (ahamkara in Sanskrit, the ‘I’-maker) can be an affliction. It makes a poor master, but a good servant. It is what gets in the way, what asserts an ‘I’ into the mix – an I with endless desires and attachments.

If there is no ‘I,’ there is no problem.

Now this may all sound like a bunch of hippy gobbledegook to some. It may sound like I am parroting the words of the sages. I am, since I have tested them in my life and observed them in the lives of others, and found them to be true. My truth, my own authentic and fundamental truth. Or at least my current (and ever-evolving) understanding and perception of it. My truth, not yours. My changeable, frangible, malleable truth. My nebulous truth…

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If I assert myself (something they once told me was good), then I place myself at odds with the world, see myself as a separate entity, rather than part of an organic whole. I come in contention with the world. If I assert my desires and expectations on the world (and on myself), I set myself up for suffering, for conflict, for possible strife and violence.

As I assert this self, I become an affliction to my Self.

I, I, I…for fuck’s sake, that is an endless litany. I, me, mine. It extends from there, to division and exclusion, to distinctions and duality. It ends in separation and suffering.

I am the affliction. I am the source and root of my own suffering…and the possible cause for the suffering of others. If I want liberation from this suffering, I must will liberation for all. If I want happiness for myself, I must will it for all beings, for the two are intricately and inextricably intertwined.

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I do not exist alone and separate from the universe. I am a part of it, and it is a part of me. However, I remind myself of the illusory nature of perception, and of the illusory nature of the world.

As I contemplate the fuzz in my navel and the purpose of life, I see it is all imputed. I add the meaning, I make the inferences. I connect the dots and make the extrapolations. Without this incessant story I tell myself about the world, it is a calm and peaceful place. As I identify with my story, division arises, separation and distinction and violence, to Self and others. That is bad. B-A-D.

As i release attachment to this concept of I and its bundle of attendant desires, I find peace. As I drop my identification with this separate being, I come more into harmony with the whole, with the collective consciousness that pervades all things, all beings.

I do not presume to call myself Bodhisattva, but I desire the liberation of all beings, and work towards that as best I can. I am not even near being enlightened, but I desire it for all beings, as well as for myself. I may not truly know it myself, but I pray that all beings experience peace, all beings experience happiness, all beings experience LOVE.

If I get out of my own way, calm the mind and still the ego, I allow my true self to shine through, the Divine to shine within me and direct my actions and attitudes. if I remove the beam from my own eye, I won’t even see the mote in another’s.

Just get out of the way.

That alone is no little victory. It is the entire game.

Get out of the way, so the true You, the true me, can blossom forth, unencumbered by the trappings of ego identification.

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That’s enough liberation for me.

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